What You Can't Do With A Prenup...

Make rules about nonfinancial matters. For practical reasons, you should keep personal agreements out of your prenup. Here is a partial list of nonfinancial matters that sometimes find their way into prenups, but are better dealt with separately. Of course, the possible issues are endless and you may well think of many that aren't mentioned here:

* responsibility for household chores -- from laundry to cleaning to car care
* use of last names after you marry
* agreements about having and raising children, such as birth control, having children, children's names, child care responsibilities, and education
* how you will relate to in-laws or stepchildren, and
* whether you will have any pets and who will be responsible for them.

These kinds of nonmonetary agreements aren't binding in court, and in fact they could cause a judge to take your entire prenup less seriously. Rather than including personal matters in your prenup, you may find it helpful to simply make a list of your most important concerns and discuss them together. If you want to take it a step further, you can underscore your commitment by writing down your personal agreements in a separate document -- perhaps in a letter that each of you writes to the other, clarifying your intentions and wishes.

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What You Can't Do With A Prenup...

"Encourage" divorce.

At one time, many courts viewed any prenup specifying how things would be divided up in case the couple splits as void and unenforceable because it promoted divorce. The modern approach allows such agreements, but judges in some states still take a hard look at them. If the agreement appears to offer a financial incentive for divorce to one party, it may be set aside.

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What You Can't Do With A Prenup...

Give up the right to alimony, in a few states. A handful of states similarly limit your ability to give up your right to alimony -- also called spousal support or separate maintenance -- if there is a divorce. Other states permit such waivers, so you will need to know what your state laws say if you are considering this kind of agreement.(You can find the law for your state in Nolo's book, Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair & Lasting Contract, by Katherine E. Stoner, Attorney-Mediator and Shae Irving, J.D.)

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What You Can't Do With A Prenup...

There are some things you just can't -- or shouldn't -- do with a prenup. State laws differ as to what matters are considered off-limits. However, as a general rule, any agreement to do something that is illegal or against state-defined public policy will be considered unenforceable -- and may even jeopardize other valid aspects of the premarital agreement. Here are some things that you can't do, at least in some states:

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What You Can Do With A Prenup...

In addition to the reasons listed so far, there are countless other uses for a prenup, depending on your circumstances. Here are some examples of other matters people include in their prenups:

  • whether to file joint or separate income tax returns or to allocate income and tax deductions on separate tax returns
  • who will pay the household bills -- and how
  • whether to have joint bank accounts and, if so, how you will manage them
  • agreements about specific purchases or projects, such as buying a house together or starting up a business
  • how you will handle credit card charges -- for instance, whether you will use different cards for different types of purchases, what kinds of records you will keep, and how you will make payments
  • agreements to set aside money for savings
  • agreements for putting each other through college or professional school
  • whether you will provide for a surviving spouse -- for example, in your estate plan or with life insurance coverage, and
  • how to settle any future disagreements -- for example, you might agree to hire either a mediator or a private arbitrator.

Copyright © 2006 Nolo

What You Can Do With A Prenup: A List

Prenuptial agreements are most often used for the following puposes, this week, the first reason:

Keep finances separate. Every state has laws designating certain kinds of assets accumulated during marriage as marital property or community property, even if these assets are held in the name of just one spouse. If a couple divorces, or when one spouse dies, the marital or community property will be divided between them, either by agreement or by a court. If you want to avoid having some or all of your individual accumulations during marriage divided up by a court, you can do so with a premarital agreement.

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What is "comparable rectitude?"

A doctrine that grants the spouse least at fault a divorce when both spouses have shown grounds for divorce. It is a response to an old common-law rule that prevented a divorce when both spouses were at fault.

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What is "Emancipation"?

The act of freeing someone from restraint or bondage. For example, on January 1, 1863, slaves in the confederate states were declared free by an executive order of President Lincoln, known as the "Emancipation Proclamation." After the Civil War, this emancipation was extended to the entire country and made law by the ratification of the thirteenth amendment to the Constitution. Nowadays, emancipation refers to the point at which a child is free from parental control. It occurs when the child's parents no longer perform their parental duties and surrender their rights to the care, custody and earnings of their minor child. Emancipation may be the result of a voluntary agreement between the parents and child, or it may be implied from their acts and ongoing conduct. For example, a child who leaves her parents' home and becomes entirely self-supporting without their objection is considered emancipated, while a child who goes to stay with a friend or relative and gets a part-time job is not. Emancipation may also occur when a minor child marries or enters the military.

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What Is An "Uncontested Divorce"

A divorce automatically granted by a court when the spouse who is served with a summons and complaint for divorce fails to file a formal response with the court. Many divorces proceed this way when the spouses have worked everything out and there's no reason for both to go to court -- and pay the court costs.

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What Is A "Foreign Divorce?"

A divorce obtained in a different state or country from the place where one spouse resides at the time of the divorce. As a general rule, foreign divorces are recognized as valid if the spouse requesting the divorce became a resident of the state or country granting the divorce, and if both parties consented to the jurisdiction of the foreign court. A foreign divorce obtained by one person without the consent of the other is normally not valid, unless the nonconsenting spouse later acts as if the foreign divorce were valid, for example, by remarrying.

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Definitions: What is a marriage certificate?

A document that provides proof of a marriage, typically issued to the newlyweds a few weeks after they file for the certificate in a county office. Most states require both spouses, the person who officiated the marriage and one or two witnesses to sign the marriage certificate; often this is done just after the ceremony.

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Can one spouse move to a different state or country to get a divorce?

If one spouse meets the residency requirement of a state or country (such as having lived there from six months to a year), a divorce obtained there is valid, even if the other spouse lives somewhere else. The courts of all states will recognize the divorce.

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Do I have to live in a state to get a divorce there?

All states require a spouse to be a resident of the state -- often for at least six months and sometimes for as long as one year -- before filing for a divorce there. Someone who files for divorce must offer proof that he or she has resided there for the required length of time. Only three states -- Alaska, South Dakota, and Washington -- have no statutory requirement for resident status.

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Can a spouse successfully prevent a court from granting a divorce?

One spouse cannot stop a no fault divorce. Objecting to the other spouse's request for divorce is itself an irreconcilable difference that would justify the divorce.

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What happens in a fault divorce if both spouses are at fault?

When both parties have shown grounds for divorce, the court will grant a divorce to the spouse who is least at fault under a doctrine called "comparative rectitude." Years ago, when both parties were at fault, neither was entitled to a divorce. The absurdity of this result gave rise to the concept of comparative rectitude.

Nowadays, it's usually one spouse who files the divorce papers first; if the other person disagrees with the "fault" accusations, he or she can file an "answer" to the divorce complaint.

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What is a "fault" divorce?

A fault divorce may be granted when the proper grounds are present and at least one spouse asks that the divorce be granted on the grounds of fault. Not all states allow fault divorces.

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What is the difference between a permanent separation and a legal separation?

Permanent separation. When a couple decides to permanently split up, it's often called a permanent separation. It may follow a trial separation, or may begin immediately when the couple starts living apart. In most states, all assets received and most debts incurred after permanent separation are the separate property or responsibility of the spouse incurring them. However, debts that happen after separation and before divorce are usually joint debts if they are incurred for certain necessities, such as to provide for the children or maintain the marital home. Again, a couple's decision to permanently separate may not be considered a legal one unless one party takes the other to court for support or custody pending a divorce action. This then leads to a state of legal separation.

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What is the difference between a trial separation and living apart?

Trial separation: When a couple lives apart for a test period, to decide whether or not to separate permanently, it's called a trial separation. Even if they don't get back together, the assets they accumulate and debts they incur during the trial period are usually considered jointly owned. This type of separation is usually not legally recognized, but is instead a specific period in a couple's relationship.

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What is a common law marriage?

In a handful of states (listed below), heterosexual couples can become legally married without a license or ceremony. This type of marriage is called a common law marriage. Contrary to popular belief, a common law marriage is not created when two people simply live together for a certain number of years.

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How to Ask for a Temporary Order?

To get a court order, you must prepare and file some paperwork. Fill-in-the-blank forms may be available free from the court or online. In a few states -- unfortunately, not many -- court personnel may be available to help with the paperwork. Some courts also have self-help law centers for family law cases, with forms and instructions for people representing themselves.

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When to Ask for a Temporary Order?

When someone moves out of the house, one of you should go to court right away to quickly resolve any critical issues, such as spousal support. And, if the children will be staying with you, you should immediately file for custody and child support.

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What Are Temporary Orders For?

Let's say a husband moves out, and the wife who's left behind needs money to feed and shelter the children. Realizing that her children would starve long before a full trial could be held, she is desperate for help. She can go to court to request a temporary order from a judge, even though a formal divorce action has not yet been filed. Her request will be put on a fast track, and a hearing will be scheduled within days or weeks.

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What is a "no fault" divorce?

"No fault" divorce describes any divorce where the spouse suing for divorce does not have to prove that the other spouse did something wrong. All states allow divorces regardless of who is at "fault."

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Changing Your Name After Divorce

I took my husband's name when I married, but now we're getting divorced and I'd like to return to my former name. How do I do that?

In most states, you can request that the judge handling your divorce make a formal order restoring your former or birth name. If your divorce decree contains such an order, that's all the paperwork you'll need. You'll want to get certified copies of the order as proof of the name change -- check with the court clerk for details. Once you have this official documentation, you can use it to have your name changed on your identification and personal records.

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Can my husband's ex and I share the same last name without problems?

QUESTION:

I am getting married; my first time, his second. I will be taking his name when we marry. Will there be any problems if his ex keeps her married name, too? We don't have the same first name.

ANSWER:

You will probably not incur problems -- after all, there are legions of people who have the same last name; you need only look in the telephone book under Smith to get hard evidence of this.

As long as your new mate's ex mate does not falsely hold herself out as still married to your man, any minor problems that may develop -- for example, your creditors' becoming confused -- should be easy to straighten out with a clear written explanation of who is and is not married to whom.

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How does an annulment differ from a divorce?

Like a divorce, an annulment is a court procedure that dissolves a marriage. But, unlike a divorce, an annulment treats the marriage as though it never happened. For some people, divorce carries a stigma, and they would rather their marriage be annulled. Others prefer an annulment because it may be easier to remarry in their church if they go through an annulment rather than a divorce.

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